The Real Reason Perfectionists Can’t Do the Bare Minimum (Even When They Want To)

It usually starts with a small request. You’re already drowning in tasks when someone drops a “Could you just…?” on your plate. Nothing major. Just a quick favor, right? And before you know it, you’ve plastered on a smile and said, “Sure, I can do that!” while your soul slowly leaves your body.

Or maybe your thing is biting off way more than you can chew.

Back in high school, I had a chronic habit of overcomplicating projects. Halfway through, I’d be spiraling into an existential crisis, wondering, Why do I always do this to myself when the simple option would’ve worked just as well?!

If any of that sounds familiar, you’re in the right place.

Going the extra mile sounds like a good thing. And for some people, it is. But for perfectionists, it’s less about improving results and more about proving our worth.

But be honest—does it ever feel like you’re running on a treadmill that won’t stop? Like no matter how much you do, that little voice in your head just keeps chanting: MORE.

That voice isn’t just your drive or your high standards … or Tay Tay singing I can do it with a broken heart 😜. It’s perfectionism. And it’s got you convinced that if you’re not over-delivering on everything, you’re falling behind. Or worse, letting people down. Because it’s not just about doing more for yourself. It’s about making sure no one thinks you’re lazy, unhelpful, or not trying hard enough.

When going the extra mile runs you into a wall

At one point in my life, I struggled so much with perfectionism—and this burning need to always perform, achieve, and do better—that I completely crashed into burnout. It felt like I was on a train running at full speed, straight toward a wall. I had completely lost sight of where I was going, and why I was even pushing myself so hard. But going through this taught me a few things about the need to always go above and beyond that might help you too.

1. You waste time on things that don’t matter

Have you ever experienced that frustrating feeling where you’re working on something, and you just want to be done with it, but you can’t quite get it right? The drive to perfect it won’t let go, so you keep pushing, even though every part of you just wants to stop.

The timer meltdown

I’ve done this sooo many times. But one that really sticks in my mind was when I was creating a workout video for YouTube. I wanted people to be able to follow along in real time, so I decided the video needed a countdown timer in the corner—something to tell them when to start their next set and when to rest.

Sounds simple, right?

Nope.

It took me forever to get that timer right. By the time I finally figured it out, I was crying tears of frustration over that damn thing. And you know what? In the end, nobody even noticed how “perfect” the timer was 😂.

I could have settled for a basic version and been done in half the time. That would’ve freed up energy for things that actually mattered—like rest, or bigger priorities. But nooo, my need to go above and beyond had me chained to my laptop for the entire day.

2. You train people to expect more from you

If you always go above and beyond, people start expecting it from you. If you’re always that person that drops everything to help, or that takes on too much it becomes so much harder to set boundaries because over-delivering becomes your normal.

The study group lesson

In college, I was that person in my study group who always helped my friends brainstorm and outline their assignments. Then, once they’d written them, I’d check for errors. And don’t get me wrong, I wanted to help. But I also felt a crushing pressure to do so to be liked by them (I see that now, though I didn’t back then).

At one point, it got to be too much. I was drowning in my own assignments while feeling responsible for theirs too, so I started pulling back and saying no.

And guess what happened?

This is where you’d probably expect me to say: “Nothing happened. My friends respected my boundaries, and we lived happily ever after.”

But that’s not what happened.

I vividly remember telling one friend I didn’t have the bandwidth to help with her assignment, and she flat-out told me I was a bad person and being selfish. She literally confirmed my worst fear; that I was only likeable if I bent over backward for people.

So my tentative steps toward setting boundaries flew right out the window, and I went right back to being the person who over-delivered for everybody. I had unintentionally trained people to expect it from me, and it made setting boundaries feel impossible.

3. It leads to burnout and resentment

In the beginning, pushing yourself past the limit feels rewarding. You get the recognition, you feel accomplished, and for a moment it feels worth it. But slowly, the cost adds up. The long hours, the mental load, the pressure to always give more—it all turns into exhaustion, resentment, and even guilt when you can’t keep up.

And when every project turns into a big production with all the bells and whistles, it can feel overwhelming to even get started, and you might end up avoiding tasks (or people) because you’ve associated them with stress.

Why do perfectionists feel like they can’t just do the bare minimum?

To put it simply? Fear.

Fear that you’re not enough just as you are.
Fear that if you don’t bend over backward to help others, they won’t like you.
Fear that if you’re not the hardest worker, and the reliable one, people will stop valuing you.

At some point, going above and beyond became your safety net—the way you kept earning praise, approval, and maybe even love. And now it’s become your default setting. You probably don’t even consider “just enough” to be an option.

When I worked through this with my therapist, it took me a while to accept that fear was the driving force behind my actions, because it didn’t feel like fear. It felt like I just hated conflict, so it was easier to say yes to everything. And it felt like I just had high standards, because if I didn’t give 110% on everything, I felt lazy, sloppy, or like I’d dropped the ball.

Maybe you relate more to those kinds of feelings instead of fear? But I’ve learned that beneath all those feelings, it’s still fear.

So how do we let go of this need to always do more?

First of all, realize that most people are happy with “good enough.” And since you’re a perfectionist, your version of “good enough” is probably someone else’s “perfect.” No one judges us—or our work—as harshly as we do. They don’t see the flaws you see.

So next time you’re working on something and you hit that point where you want to stop but some internal force keeps pushing you to do more, try stopping anyway. Ask yourself: Is the extra effort really necessary, or is it okay to stop here?

What I learned from doing this is that you can be efficient and valuable without exhausting yourself. And I’ll be honest—it’s still an urge I struggle with. But trust me, every time you stop at 80% effort and realize the world didn’t end, and no one thinks less of you or your work, you’ll start to see that “good enough” really is good enough.

Secondly, know that you are not responsible for other people’s expectations of you. If someone truly values you, it won’t be because of how much you overextend yourself. You won’t let people down by taking yourself into consideration. You’re not a bad person for setting boundaries.

If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Going above and beyond is how so many of us try to feel safe, liked, or valuable. But you are already enough … even without going the extra mile.